Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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