The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
