there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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