Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
