don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
