Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
