went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
