The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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