I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
