this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
