You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
