need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
