I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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