woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
