11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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