her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
