i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
