I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
