did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
