omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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