you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
