I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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