So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize