Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
