Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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