dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
