you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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