Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
