You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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