talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
