omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
