So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
