physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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