i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
