a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
