he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Houston, we have a blender
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize