from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
