Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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