I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize