I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize