mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
