Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
