sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
