she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
