I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
