sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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