And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
