it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
