batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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