i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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