all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
