She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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