you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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