It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
