If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
