you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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