Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize