i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
