so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
