Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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