yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
