i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize