we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
