I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
