go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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