I didn't shave. On purpose
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
