She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
