There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
