MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
