Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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