Ambien. No doubt about it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
