wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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