i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
