so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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