fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
my poor anus
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
