i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
