you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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