i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
