U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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