i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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