the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
