Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
