I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
