proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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