please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
