is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
